


Buried Instincts

by SereneSorrow



Series: Instincts [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Hollow Mating Season, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:56:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28811556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SereneSorrow/pseuds/SereneSorrow
Summary: It's been two years since Ichigo lost his ability to see ghosts, and every other power he gained when he was fifteen.It's been two years since he lost his friends, and two years since Shinji disappeared.It's been two years now, that he's been alone.
Relationships: Hirako Shinji/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: Instincts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657024
Comments: 13
Kudos: 87





	1. Ichigo

**Author's Note:**

> All four chapters are already written, weekly updates! :D

Ichigo stared out of the window, eyes half-lidded with weariness and apathetic to what went on around him. The classroom was loud, students were chatting as they pulled out their lunches but Ichigo was quiet as he ignored the activity around him. His friends were probably all on the roof, talking about ghosts and how protecting Karakura was going, even the ones who couldn't actively help would be welcome in the conversation since they could all now see spirits. No, it was only Ichigo who couldn't, and for some reason that meant that no one would talk to him about how things were going. In fact, no one seemed to want to talk to him at all.

It had been two years since he'd lost his ability to see ghosts, and every other power that he had gained as a fifteen year old, and now he was almost eighteen and he'd (lost) been without everything that was important to him since the last wisp of power had slipped away from his soul. His friends in Soul Society never visited, never even came to say goodbye. Urahara's shop was closed every time he walked past, Urahara himself ducking away from him until he changed his route entirely to avoid the place, figuring he'd do the man the favor of not having to hide in his own home. Even the living friends who hadn't been Karakura's protectors with himself, Chad, Uryuu and Orihime were too excited to be in the know now to bother with him, not that he blamed them. He had ignored them after all, when he'd been having exciting ghost adventures, so he could understand why they (Mizuiro, Keigo, Tatsuki, and Chizuru) would rather keep secrets from someone who couldn't see what was right there in front of them.

Instead of pulling out whatever Yuzu had packed for him today (something that no doubt should have been delicious but nevertheless tasted like ash in his mouth) Ichigo went to the nurse. He just wasn't in the mood for school today, and it was one of his rare days off from the Unagiya Shop so Ichigo trudged home alone without a word to anyone, not that they noticed.

He didn't bother turning any lights on, he knew the way to his room in the afternoon light. Ichigo tossed his bag against the wall carelessly, ignoring it as it slid down to the floor with a thump. He turned to his bed and laid down without bothering to undress, he was exhausted so he may as well get some sleep. He knew that he shouldn't be this tired, that it was probably a sign of depression and all sorts of other problems, but he was more comfortable burying his face in his pillow and ignoring it than he was with worrying about what was wrong with him. Too used to his circumstances by now Ichigo didn't bother crying about his problems, he just let himself fall asleep.

He was woken rudely, just over an hour later, by the weight of something pressing down on him. Ichigo's eyes flew open as he was pinned to his own bed, the weight on top of him larger and stronger than a person. He couldn't see anyone though, as far as he could tell he was alone in the room, except he couldn't be alone now. Someone was here, someone he couldn't see and they had him pinned _oh Kami-_

Ichigo's spiraling thoughts were halted suddenly as he felt something more defined against the skin of his neck. Hard, with an edge that felt like rigid teeth pushing insistently into his skin. The visceral terror at the sense of a predator about to take a bite out of him would have crippled him if he hadn't already been paralyzed. The pressure increased and he felt heated breath against his neck before the feeling let up suddenly as the thing pulled away. Then claws were tearing through the back of his shirt and pants, ripping his clothing off of him and leaving his skin bare to the cool air of the room before the weight crashed down on him again and hard skin grated against his own soft human flesh. He couldn't do anything, _he couldn't-_

He felt his legs forced apart and a body settling between them, something hard and familiar against his backside, and even with Shinji he'd never-

They hadn't had time, they hadn't done that, and now-

It was pushing at his entrance and he wasn't stretched he wasn't ready _-it hurt-_ but it wasn't just a body on top of him, the weight of spirit energy was what was really pressing him down, and that scent was “ahhh!” Ichigo couldn't fight it, he moaned in pleasure even as the pain seemed to tear him open, shooting along his nerves and short circuiting his brain.

He remembered this scent subconsciously and it made his body hard and pliant and “ohhh!” He gasped as the shaft inside him hit something that felt so good even as the dry sensation grated painfully and he knew he must be bleeding but it didn't seem important now.

_-yes...-_

Ichigo's whole body was completely weak now, almost numb, he couldn't have moved if he'd tried but he didn't seem to want to. His heart was still racing but the terror was giving way to lust and need. The thoughts racing through his mind were strange and unfamiliar but so... _right?_

_-hard-yes-take-use-please-oh-more-harder-more-_

Ichigo's body shivered at the thoughts, at the way the body taking him clawed at his sides and bit at his shoulder and bore down on him so hard, forcing his bed to make noises as though it would collapse beneath them with with every hasty, wild thrust.

_-mate-ahhh-mate-_

The thought caught in Ichigo's memory, and he realized finally what was going on. Mating season. A hollow was... was using him and... “ohhh...” he moaned, because it felt so good. _Why did it feel so good?_ It should hurt, he was bleeding, he couldn't move so _why did it feel so damn good?_

The scent, it was familiar, he knew who was on top of him. He knew- _Shinji!_ “Ah!” Ichigo's head snapped up at the realization, the first movement he'd managed since Shinji had mounted him, and it bared his neck to his mate. Shinji's mask pressed firmly into the offered skin as Ichigo gasped and shook in painful pleasure. Yes, Shinji was here, touching him, mating with him and Ichigo- Kami he'd missed Shinji so damn much. He was _here_ now, he was- Just that realization was enough to make his heart soar to heights he hadn't felt since he'd lost everything that mattered and he felt his whole body tense and tighten and come. Limbs shaking in place beneath his mate as his shaft pulsed against the bed sheets beneath him, Ichigo gasped at the feeling of complete fullness in his chest more than anything else.

His body flopped uselessly back to the bed weak and gasping for air, his thoughts dazed as he felt Shinji moving just as strongly against and inside him. Over-sensitivity made him shudder, building to a continuous twitching that would have made him writhe if he could move and he groaned in helpless pleasure at the feeling.

He couldn't help thinking now, his mind wasn't clear, it was still chanting that nonsense at him but somehow another part of his mind was thinking about how and why. He had lost his powers, completely, _but if that was right then why was his mind thinking this way and his body reacting this way? Did he still somehow have hollow instincts?_

Did he- was he still- was _Shiro_ still-

The way he was moved, whole body shaking against the bed and rocking back and forth, Ichigo was hard again he could tell. The numb lassitude in his limbs meant nothing, suddenly he knew that he _needed-_

“Harder.” He croaked aloud, dry lips cracking around the whisper. His certain plea barely audible to his own ears over the sounds his bed was making.

Shinji heard him, understood, the thrusts came sharper and faster. Spearing him and that spark of pleasure within him on every thrust- _-ah-oh-yes-_ “Yess-sss.” Ichigo hissed weakly, feeling the pressure building again. Rough skin dragged viciously inside him and he loved it, needed it.

It felt so- _He_ felt so good now, the relief of his needs being fulfilled, after so long he _finally_ wasn't alone. Shinji was here with him, he had come back. He hadn't forgotten about him, hadn't _left_ him like everyone else had done. That _-big-hard-rough-_ shaft inside of him was proof that Shinji was here even if Ichigo couldn't see him, the weight of his spirit energy filling the room even though Ichigo couldn't sense it properly. Ichigo wasn't alone and abandoned, his mate was here, Shinji was _here-_

Ichigo hadn't let anyone else touch him, hadn't wanted anyone else to touch him or to touch anyone else himself. He and Shinji had promised to be together and Ichigo had taken that vow seriously, even if Shinji had disappeared along with everyone else after Ichigo had lost his soul reaper powers.

“A-ahhh-ah!” Ichigo gasped as he came again, vision darkening from the strain of it and the coarse slide inside him when he tightened around Shinji, he could feel it when the constricting heat made Shinji shiver and come, _-harder-harder-_ thrusts riding through it and then the weight of Shinji's body collapsed on top of him.

Ichigo's lungs heaved for breath as the darkness stole the rest of his sight and he passed out feeling safely held in Shinji's possessive grasp even if he was a hollow, masked, unaware of what he was doing and invisible to Ichigo. At least, subconsciously at the _very_ least, Shinji still wanted him. At this point that was enough for Ichigo, that was more than enough, that was everything.


	2. Shinji

Waking with a familiar scent in his nose Shinji took his time to let awareness drift back to him. He knew that there was some reason for him to be more alert but he couldn't help feeling comfortable and safe here, wherever here was. He was pressed up against a warm body, a familiar and comforting scent filling his nostrils. Shinji's eyes snapped open, taking in the familiar room around him, the familiar flash of orange hair in the corner of his eye. Swallowing hard Shinji slowly pushed himself away from the body next to him. Ichigo shifted, head raising and turning to look over his shoulder, though his gaze was vague and unfocused. Shinji's heart sank, because of course Ichigo couldn't see him, and Shinji knew that very well. It was why he wasn't supposed to be here now, and wasn't supposed to be anywhere near Ichigo at all, even though all he had wanted these last two years was to see Ichigo ( _his lover_ ) again.

Shinji looked guiltily away from those unfocused eyes, scanning down the length of Ichigo's bare skin. He was covered in bruises and faint cuts from Shinji's fingers and claws and Shinji cringed at the trail of dried blood that had leaked down one of Ichigo's thighs. In a living body, Ichigo wasn't durable enough for this. Shinji never should have come here, but he hadn't been in control and while he knew what was happening (more or less) during mating season that didn't mean he had good judgement. As soon as he had given in to his instincts and his mask had snapped on over his face all he had wanted was to find his mate. Not _a mate_ , _-his mate-_. The one that he had chosen and who had chosen him during the last season. The one that his Shinigami heart agreed with his hollow instincts was _his_.

“Shi-” Ichigo's dry voice cut off with an even drier cough and he turned away to clear his throat.

Shinji felt terrible, knowing that however bad he felt, Ichigo felt far worse. Gently he placed a hand on Ichigo's hip and felt Ichigo shiver at the contact, his own hand sliding back over his own body to land atop Shinji's. Ichigo's hand clutched at his fingers tightly, and even though Ichigo wasn't looking at him Shinji knew what he was feeling. Ichigo didn't want Shinji to leave, but he had to.

He closed his eyes and loosed a heavy sigh, not noticing the goose bumps that rose on Ichigo's skin as his cold ghost breath fanned over his bare skin unexpectedly. He really did need to go, before Isshin or anyone else noticed that he was here. Urahara could probably sense his reiatsu, or likely had when Shinji had burst through a garganta and searched through town for Ichigo. There was just one thing though, that he had to do if he was going to leave.

He rolled Ichigo over onto his back, arms still wrapped comfortingly around him, and kissed his lips gently. Ichigo surrendered immediately, slow at first as his eyes drifted shut but then he became desperate, and Shinji worried at just how much need was behind Ichigo's kiss. He was pulled even tighter if that was possible, Ichigo's legs wrapping around him and arms tight around his neck and shoulders as Ichigo barely spared a moment for breath while their tongue's danced.

Finally Shinji forced Ichigo to release him, for his own good. He could see the pain on Ichigo's face but he _had_ to stop them. Levering himself up and off of the bed Shinji looked around for clothing, either his or Ichigo's that might have been left out, before remembering that he had already been transformed before he'd arrived here. The shredded scraps of fabric that littered the floor explained where Ichigo's clothing had gone, so he scouted out the closet instead and then turned back to look at Ichigo. They both needed to get cleaned up before dressing even if he did find something he could borrow.

It was still early and he could sense that no one else was actually in the house, so he took a chance. Pulling at Ichigo's hand until the younger man stood up, Shinji then led him through the door and down the hall to the bathroom. Ichigo winced and limped the whole way, and Shinji scolded himself all over again for even coming here. He'd hurt _-his mate-_ and that wasn't right, although his instincts were less upset about that then he was, telling him that they were both satisfied and the suffering was just the price to pay for it.

Gritting his teeth he ignored all of that for now and maneuvered Ichigo into the shower. His _-mate- (lover)_ understood what he was doing and walked right in as Shinji started the water running. After that Ichigo stood still as Shinji washed him, carefully wiping up the trace of blood behind him and slowly digging into his sore muscles in more of a massage than a scrub. At the continued touches, Ichigo's head dipped and hung lower, his body relaxing under his ministrations. Shinji's fingers traced over thinner sides and a body laced with less muscle than he remembered and he frowned at the thought of Ichigo not taking care of himself.

He took as much time as he thought was warranted to help Ichigo relax before he pulled Ichigo out of the shower again and dried him off, though there were halfhearted attempts to take the towel out of his hands Ichigo finally let Shinji have his way. Shinji didn't mind doing all the work, Ichigo still looked worn down and he wanted to do _something_ , even if it didn't amount to much. With a few nudges at Ichigo's shoulders Shinji sent him back to his bedroom first, while he straightened up a few things.

When Shinji got back Ichigo was dressed again, in sweats and sitting on the edge of his bed, hands clasped together as his eyes drifted back and forth across the room. His gaze never landed on any one spot, and Shinji knew that Ichigo couldn't see even the faintest trace of him. The sight was heartrending, and the dull look in his eyes was enough to make up Shinji's mind. Cementing the certainty of the feeling in his chest, Shinji knelt in front of him and clasped Ichigo's hands in his own. Ichigo started at the contact and his eyes snapped to Shinji's face, staring intensely enough that he could almost believe that Ichigo could see him.

He rubbed Ichigo's hands between his own and then dared to lean forward and capture his lips in a kiss that Ichigo immediately responded to, mouth opening easily and tongue darting out against Shinji's. The look of relief in Ichigo's eyes before they slipped closed was all the confirmation he needed that he was right. Screw Isshin's request for them all to leave Ichigo alone, and the orders from the Captain Commander too, Shinji might have to leave for now but he was coming back. He wasn't going to leave Ichigo like _this_. No way.

Breaking the kiss with another squeeze of Ichigo's hands in his own, Shinji wandered over to the desk and wrote a quick note, catching sight of Ichigo's eyes landing on the pen moving by itself and the way Ichigo stood quickly to approach. Shinji slipped out of the way carefully, and headed for the window before he could change his mind and decide to stay indefinitely. He carefully didn't allow himself to blush at the idea of streaking through Karakura, a garganta, and soul society, sighing at the thought of what Hiyori was going to do to him when he showed up like this.

There was one thing though, that left him optimistic. He hadn't let himself hope, but it was there. Just a trace but it was there, the scent of Ichigo's hollow had been buried deep under the musk of his own scent that had blanketed the room. Ichigo wasn't completely powerless, his hollow was still in there somewhere, and that meant that Ichigo wasn't completely lost to them after all. Which wasn't why he was so certain that he was doing the right thing, but was the reason that he thought he could get away with his intention to remain in contact with Ichigo, and was also the reason that he'd been comfortable leaving evidence of his intentions with that note.

***

_'I'll be back soon'_ read the note on Ichigo's desk.


	3. Ichigo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, sorry for the delay, I meant to post this on yesterday, but my computer was dropping its internet connection again, but I also didn't realize I'd written this chapter in a different tense and I was trying to decide between leaving it and re-writing it. I wound up leaving it because it felt like it just wouldn't read the same if I changed it, so ~eh.
> 
> So anyway, check my profile page sometime, I try to keep a current list of what's done that I'll be posting and when, in case delays happen again.

That note is probably the single most important non-living thing in his life right now. Ichigo stares at it, even though it's been two weeks since Shinji was here, since he wrote these words and gave Ichigo hope that he wasn't going to be alone like this forever. He doesn't carry it with him everywhere, he's not that desperate, but he does keep it safely tucked inside of his favorite book where he knows his family won't find it. Not that anyone would recognize Shinji's handwriting...

Okay, so Ichigo knows that he's being paranoid, but it worked for Urahara right? Ichigo isn't so stupid that he doesn't realize there had to be _some_ reason why everyone he knows from Soul Society collectively decided to disappear, even if he does blame them for actually doing so. The fact that Shinji said he'd come back is the first time that anyone has actually sought him out for any reason. Again, Ichigo isn't stupid, he knows that Shinji's visit was just because of his hollow. It was mating season and he probably couldn't control himself, probably wasn't even in his right mind at the time, so since it was instinct more than conscious choice Ichigo wouldn't have let himself get his hopes up. He wouldn't have let himself believe that it meant anything, except that Shinji isn't the type to lie to his face when he didn't have to say anything at all. He could have just _left_ , and Ichigo wouldn't have been able to do or say a damn thing about it, but he didn't. Shinji actually said, _promised_ , that he would come back.

So Ichigo's waiting, actually staring out the window and sighing like a _princess_ waiting for the knight to show up, with no idea how long Shinji meant by 'soon'. That could be any length of time at all, weeks, months, or years. Ichigo had no idea what a soul reaper would consider soon, Urahara's idea of fair warning was about a second before he tossed you through a hole in the floor to parts unknown, but on the other hand he and the Visoreds had waited a century for Aizen to make the first move. Literally, Ichigo has no clear timeline to go off of here.

School crawls by, but it's easier to ignore everyone's avoidance and focus on his schoolwork with the recent memory of Shinji's claws digging into his skin to let him know that he hasn't been forgotten. Ochi-sensei actually congratulated him on getting his head on straight, or whatever she was saying before she threw a textbook at someone, Ichigo wasn't really tuned in to that conversation. He appreciated the sentiment though, and might actually have smiled if he hadn't seen Orihime's head turn away out of the corner of his eye.

He's doing homework, trying to get an essay done on the day it was assigned (trying to get the work done now while he's in a good enough mood to actually do it) and sitting at his desk in an empty house when something makes the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. His pencil pauses over the page, as his eyes go unfocused, trying to chase the feeling that's crawling through him. Ichigo is sure that he can feel _something_ , but just what he isn't clear on, until the window on his right slides open.

His breath picks up, and he can't turn around, Ichigo is completely frozen in his seat because he has already gotten his hopes up and if he's wrong he doesn't know what he'll do. There's a thump and then _footsteps_ , which Ichigo isn't sure he's not imagining, before a hand claps onto his left shoulder. His breath, which he didn't know he'd been holding, rushes out as his pencil falls out of his hand and rolls toward the edge of the desk. Ichigo's eyes dart over to it when it stops, when something invisible that feels like hair brushes against his right ear and the pencil traces over the half-empty page, spelling out words all on its own.

_'I said: I'll be back soon -Shinji'_

Ichigo stares at the words. He really didn't have much way of proving that it was really Shinji, so some kind of sign like that was probably the right idea. Right, the paranoia again. Ichigo should speak, say something in reply. Instead he snaps his hand down over the invisible one holding the pencil, squeezing tightly just to make sure this is really happening because he's starting to feel a little light-headed.

“Sh-Shinji.” He gasps, dimly realizing that he's shaking, his whole body shuddering as he fights back tears.

Damn, this is embarrassing, he's completely breaking down just because Shinji kept his promise. Ichigo hadn't realized just how desperately he was clinging to that note, he thought that he had, but clearly he was wrong. The hand on his shoulder becomes an arm sliding down his back and around his chest, the right hand grabbing the pencil and legal pad and then Shinji is hauling him out of the desk chair and dragging him until they're on his bed. Shinji's back is against the wall and Ichigo's back is to his chest, and as soon as the relocation sinks in Ichigo is so relieved that the shaking stops.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, even more embarrassed.

The legal pad lays flat on Ichigo's thigh and the pencil traces over it again. _'Nothing to be sorry for.'_

“Feels like there is.” Ichigo really feels sorry, for a lot of things.

He watches the pencil moving again as Shinji writes, at least they have a way to communicate, Ichigo can't believe that more of his so called 'friends' couldn't have thought of this. They really weren't as attached to him as he was to them, Ichigo realizes, and it cements his certainty that he's truly been abandoned on purpose. The one exception being Shinji, who he can feel and talk to, who came back and is willing to keep his promises. Ichigo reads the next words scrawled on the pad in front of him as he settles in comfortably against his lover.

_'There's not.'_ … _'How's school?'_

“Fine. School's good I guess, I beat out Uryuu for top of the class as of a week ago which is weird, but he wasn't even in school today which is even stranger.” Ichigo hadn't really been paying attention but Uryuu didn't just _not_ come to school, he wondered if something had happened.

_'That's great.'_ … _'The grade part.'_ … _'Family?'_

“I dunno, dad's the same as always, Yuzu joined a cooking club after school. I think she's planning to take over, something about an argument over traditional Japanese cuisine vs. that Asian Fusion fad, I think?” Ichigo hadn't really been listening, he thought Yuzu had complained about Korean barbecue not being compatible with... something Spanish maybe?

“Karin's on the soccer team so they have practice, those are getting longer because they made some tournament.” Ichigo frowned at himself, he shouldn't be having this much trouble keeping up with the details of his sister's lives, he was the big brother here and he should be better about knowing what's going on in their lives.

_'Ya gonna go cheer or something?'_

“I don't know.” Ichigo says quietly, wondering when the tournament was, he really should make a point of finding out.

_'Are you okay?'_

Ichigo stares at the words for a moment. Three simple words that he has no idea how to answer. Shinji probably only meant if he was okay about the tournament or something, but Ichigo isn't okay, not in any sense of the word. The arm around his waist tightens and Ichigo realizes that he's just been staring at the paper in front of him for several minutes.

“No.” Ichigo whispers.

His shoulders hunch awkwardly, and he's starting to shake again, and in a burst of motion he's twisted himself around so that Shinji's arm is around his back. Ichigo grabs the invisible fabric over Shinji's stupid invisible chest and buries his face in Shinji's shoulder, already feeling the tears running down his face.

“I'm not okay.” He whines.

He sobs loudly, shoulders heaving as he cries against Shinji's chest, not really noticing the legal pad being set aside but gasping in surprise when both of Shinji's arms wrap around him tightly.

“Why did you have to leave?” Ichigo cries.

Shinji's hand rubs up and down along his spine, and Ichigo hates that he can't _hear_ Shinji's voice, he wanted to hear an explanation. He doesn't want to stare at a disembodied pencil writing Shinji's words, he wants to see and hear Shinji, Ichigo wants to know that Shinji is really _here_.

Ichigo slides his hands up along the invisible column of Shinji's throat and into his hair, he wouldn't know where to aim otherwise when he kisses the invisible man. The invisible body flinches when their lips meet, but Shinji doesn't stop him, and Ichigo closes his eyes and savors the feeling and taste of Shinji's mouth. He relaxes again, recognizing all the proof he needs of this really being Shinji, and the kiss deepens until Ichigo realizes that he is pressing his whole body tightly against Shinji and starting to grind his hips. He pulls back with a gasp, not intending to start anything, but as soon as his mouth is unoccupied and his eyes open to see the blank wall above his bed Ichigo fees empty. It isn't _fair_ , he doesn't want to be alone!

His head drops, and he tries not to think that _this_ is the only thing that could help him feel better, he knows that wouldn't be healthy but suddenly his body is screaming at him. He just wants to know that Shinji is here and that Shinji _wants_ him. Ichigo kisses Shinji again, noticing that Shinji hesitates but he can't stop himself from sliding his hands down to the collar of Shinji's robes and pulling them open wider. Shinji's hands wrapped around his biceps then, tightening, and Ichigo wondered if Shinji was going to make him stop but then he felt Shinji sigh and Ichigo found himself on his back in a flash as Shinji unbuttoned his school uniform.

Ichigo appreciates the gesture (he only has so many uniforms) and gasps as the startling feeling of invisible hands touching him jolts straight to his already hard flesh. He closes his eyes, the blank ceiling isn't exactly a turn on, and maybe like this he can imagine that he was choosing not to see Shinji instead of his blindness being out of his control. The tongue was even more startling, and Ichigo sat bolt upright before he completely registered what Shinji was doing, he was sure he could feel Shinji laughing from the way Shinji's face was pressed against his stomach. With a good-natured scowl Ichigo relaxes back into the mattress again as Shinji gets back to work stripping him out of the last of his clothing. Ichigo assumes that the pause, the brief interval of time where Shinji isn't touching him, is because Shinji is removing his own clothes but that doesn't stop the split-second of doubt from flashing through his mind. He just can't help doubting himself after all of this time he's spent in his own company with nothing but his own spiraling thoughts.

With relief, Ichigo sighs as Shinji's hands are on him again, and Ichigo can feel bare skin as Shinji presses closer so he knows that he was right. There was no reason for him to have doubted his lover and Ichigo hopes that he can remember that. It gets easier to remember, or harder to think about his doubts, as Shinji's hands spread his legs and his fingers plunge into him. Ichigo wasn't expecting it, but there's no way he want's to stop and get that stupid notepad and have Shinji explain every time he's going to touch him. Ichigo just lets go, keeping his eyes closed and arching his neck to bare his throat, something that he's sure his hollow instincts are telling him to do even if he can't quite hear that subconscious thread of thoughts anymore. He doesn't hold back the sounds coming out of his mouth as Shinji's fingers stretch him out, the unfamiliar sensation somehow every bit as stimulating as anything else they've done, and he's worried that he won't be able to last but after a whole body shudder as he tries to hold back Shinji's fingers slide out and grip his hips.

Ichigo gasps and his back arches as Shinji enters him, with his eyes still closed he can just picture Shinji above him, blonde hair sliding through the air and pleased grin in place as he pushes slowly until he's fully seated. Ichigo pants through the slow slide of flesh, relieved that Shinji can read him so well when just as Ichigo is relaxing he lowers his body to bring more of their skin into contact. When he starts to move for real, sliding in and out while Ichigo (honestly) kind of just flails helplessly below him in response to being touched at all, he keeps them close and as much of their skin brushing together as possible. It's exactly what Ichigo needs, to know that Shinji is real and here and that he hasn't gone insane somewhere along the way.

The solid weight pressing against him now is proof enough that Ichigo isn't _alone_ , and Ichigo digs his fingernails into Shinji's back, he can't help it. He needed to get a grip to hold on to this feeling to hold on to _Shinji_. The body slamming in and out of him was exactly what he needed right now and Ichigo tilted his head back again to expose his own throat to his _-mate-_.

_-yes-need it-don't stop-more-_

The thoughts, instincts, rising closer to the surface thrill Ichigo. He has proof, that he's still more than just human, that there's a reason he and Shinji _should_ be doing this. Conscious thought actually gets harder at that point, Ichigo even chooses to let go of it and immerse himself in the deep seated need he feels flooding him, and dimly realizes that he's clawing rather savagely at Shinji's back now, but he doesn't _care_ because this is exactly how the two of them should _be_ right now.

_-mate-don't stop-harder-_

Lips parted with a moan, Ichigo is surprised by the tongue entering his mouth but he enthusiastically (if sloppily) returns the kiss as their bodies twist and grind together more and more harshly as instinct takes over them both. They are hollows, and they belong together like this, the human room around them doesn't seem to exist anymore. Behind closed eyelids Ichigo sees an endless expanse of white sand stretching out across the darkness around them and a frisson of pleasure shoots through his core at the familiarity of everything about this moment in time.

_-deeper-fill-mark-_

He tears his lips away from _his mate_ 's and bares his throat again, whining and offering more and more of his throat until finally _his mate_ takes his flesh between his teeth and nips, worries, scrapes until finally biting hard enough to leave a mark. He howls at the feeling of _not_ having his throat torn out despite allowing himself this weakness in the presence of a predator currently much stronger than him and it's enough to send him over the edge. He clamps as much of his body as he can around _his mate_ and urges the other to continue, trying to convey with moans and pricks of his nails that he wants _his mate_ to find his own release and the even now increasing pace of the body above him is as satisfying as his own release until the ultimate high of feeling _his mate_ finish within him finally comes.

_-mate-full-mate-mine-_

Grumbling, almost purring as they both collapse together he slowly comes back to himself as Shinji's reiatsu recedes. That has to be what it is anyway, the weight in the air that seemed to be spurring on his hollow instincts. Ichigo opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling, this time not caring that he can't see the shoulder he can feel just beside his chin because he can definitely feel Shinji collapsed on top of him and breathing hard against his neck. Holding his lover close, Ichigo uses the blank ceiling as a whiteboard for his thoughts, his hollow instincts are getting stronger. If Shinji keeps visiting, maybe... maybe he'll start getting his powers back and then just maybe he'll be able to see Shinji again soon.

If that can happen, Ichigo doesn't care how many times he has to have weird half-savage sex with a lover he can't even see, it will be absolutely worth any weirdness if it will make things go back to normal. Although, Ichigo thinks with a smile, how weird is it that _this_ is what he's calling normal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uryuu isn't in school because the Thousand Year Blood War is gonna happen soon now and he's got sneaky things going on. (That may not be canon, but I've still not gotten around to re-reading and finishing the last arc of the manga, so I'm imagining that Uryuu was sneaking around for a while before the Quincy army showed itself to everyone...) So let's imagine that the reapers can actually get something done WITHOUT relying on Ichigo for once!!!


	4. Shinji

There were only so many times that he could travel between Soul Society and Karakura Town through garganta before someone noticed. Well, several people had noticed, but they were his friends so they had kept their mouths shut about it the first few times. After a dozen trips however (and in such a short time) even the other Visoreds were starting to drop hints that they wanted an explanation. Avoiding them when they wanted to interrogate him was a skill that Shinji had perfected over a century of living in close quarters, and now that they were split between several divisions at any given time it was much easier.

Arriving in Karakura Town to two Zanpakutō pointed at his person was less easy to avoid. Shinji froze as the garganta zipped closed behind him and forced himself not to draw Sakanade. He had been expecting one of these two to confront him after all, although he'd been expecting something more subtle than swords, especially from Urahara.

“Well this is unexpected, did you want something?” Shinji tried, speaking lightly.

“I think we all know why we're here, _Captain_ Hirako.” Urahara said pleasantly, not lowering his sword.

“You're here to see Ichigo again, even though you know damn well that I said you should leave him alone!” Isshin barked out, scowling and clearly in no mood for any of their usual humor.

“Yeah, I am.” Shinji said, eyes narrowing at the man who was the reason that his relationship with Ichigo had been put on hold in the first place. “I may have gone against my better judgement because yer' his father, but it's lookin' to me like ya' have no idea what's best for him, seein' how depressed he's gotten I don't think tellin' all his friends to avoid him like the plague was the best idea.”

Shinji was happy to note the slight lowering of Urahara's blade at that, so the shopkeeper had been following Isshin's request well enough not to even notice the condition Ichigo was in emotionally? Well that explained why he was backing Isshin up for this little confrontation.

“Ichigo is a part of the living world. We needed him for the war but he survived it and now it's time for him to get on with his life. He can't do that if ghosts from the past keep showing up to remind him of what he's lost.” Isshin said with certainty.

“Is that why ya've always spent so many evenin's at Urahara's place drinkin' with old comrades? So ya' could 'move on' with yer' life without powers?” Shinji asked shrewdly, seeing Urahara's sword lower a bit more.

“That isn't the same. I'm not alive, the only reason I'm still here in Karakura now that my powers have returned is to look after my family. Once they're old enough to take care of themselves I will return to Soul Society. Ichigo, on the other hand, doesn't belong in Soul Society yet and needs to forget about that place until it's the right time for him to move on.” Isshin insisted while Urahara sighed and lowered his sword entirely.

Isshin caught sight of Urahara re-sealing his blade and looked startled by the sudden lack of support.

“~Ah-ha. Isshin-san, you may be as devoted to family as any of your clan, but it seems you don't know as much about human psychology as you do medicine. I see I should have checked up on my student's well being before now. Excuse me.” Urahara tipped his hat comically to both of them before spinning on his heel.

Shinji made to follow him but was blocked by Isshin's blade, irritated, Shinji had to suppress a growl as his hollow tried to rise to the surface at being denied this opportunity to return to his _-mate-_. Urahara laughed as he wandered away, looking back over his shoulder.

“I think Isshin-san is still entitled to threaten you over your relationship with his son, Hirako-san!” Urahara exclaimed cheerfully as he made his way toward the Kurosaki house, apparently intending to use the time it took Isshin to 'threaten' him to check up on Ichigo himself.

Shinji didn't delude himself into thinking that Urahara suddenly agreed with him about continuing his relationship with Ichigo, the man had gotten used to his freedom from the Gotei in his exile, but he was hypocritical enough to have supported the Visoreds being _'invited'_ to rejoin the Gotei. Other than wanting to be sure that Ichigo was healing from everything he had been through Urahara most likely agreed that separating Ichigo from the business of Soul Society was the best thing. Shinji could understand the theory, Ichigo was alive and they were dead and the two never should have mixed in the first place, but now that they had mixed Shinji didn't think that it would be so easy to separate the two any more. In fact he _knew_ that Ichigo wasn't the sort of person who could just forget about a whole world full of threats to his friends and family. It was one of the many things eating away at the young man in his solitude.

With a sigh, Shinji looked away from Urahara's retreating back. He supposed that he could live with Urahara taking a look at Ichigo just to see how he was doing, The man could see for himself just how poorly Ichigo was doing at this 'moving on' business. Shinji turned and settled back on his heels to listen to whatever Isshin had to say.

It hadn't escaped his attention that his lover's father was also _younger_ than himself, so it was a bit bemusing to hear Isshin threatening to kick his ass and castrate him if he did anything to hurt his son. Shinji tolerated it however, because kicking Isshin's ass all across town wasn't going to get him any closer to seeing Ichigo any time soon.

***  
***

Opening the window and climbing into the room was more work than just stepping _through_ the wall, but he knew that Ichigo appreciated the physical notice of his arrival. This time Ichigo turned to the window right away, a smile already trying to break out on his face though he held it back warily since he didn't have proof yet that it was Shinji himself who had just entered his bedroom.

Shinji sighed at the sight of Ichigo's restraint and continued lack of sight, and took the pen out of Ichigo's hand to write his greeting on the legal pad that had been set aside for their conversations. Several pages had been torn off by now, they'd need a new pad soon, and he'd seen the shoe box that Ichigo had been stuffing the pages in to keep them (and keep them hidden from anyone that might be snooping). He could recognize that Ichigo was leaning a bit _too_ heavily on their relationship to connect him with everything that had happened in his life that he now felt so distant from. Well, that distance was real but still, it was unhealthy. Shinji couldn't help hoping for a moment that Urahara would wise up and approach Ichigo in a gigai, maybe try to reconnect with him so that Ichigo would have someone that he could talk to normally and maybe even confide in about just what he was going through. He wished that _he_ could be that person but he couldn't request a gigai for his unsanctioned visits and even though Ichigo _knew_ that he was here it would still feel like he was talking to himself in an empty room, he needed someone who could really be present for him. Urahara _could_ do that, but Shinji didn't know if he _would_.

_'Doin okay?'_ Shinji asked.

“Yeah, school's fine, and everything else is about the same. I did go cheer on Karin in her tournament games, her team didn't win but they got pretty close so Yuzu made a big dinner and everything to celebrate. It wasn't too bad.” Ichigo said that last as an admittance that he was still having trouble making himself eat.

It was another of Shinji's worries, that Ichigo had admitted that his food often was tasteless or felt like ash on his tongue. He was amazed in retrospect that Ichigo hadn't been _thinner_ that first time Shinji had gotten a good look at him. That just proved that Ichigo didn't want to waste away, he was genuinely trying to keep himself healthy, but that didn't mean it wasn't hard for him to do so.

_'Good'_ … _'Talked to your dad today, he's mad that I've been visitin'_

“What?” Ichigo yelped, startled by the words. “What does he have to do with anything? Why was he even- when did he- what happened?”

_'He wanted ta remind me that he asked everyone ta leave ya alone'_ Shinji had been willing to suffer through the obligatory paternal over-protectiveness, but he was fed up with Isshin's miscalculation of what Ichigo needed, it was time Ichigo knew that there were _orders_ that had kept Ichigo's friends from visiting.

_'Yer friends at school may have taken it too seriously'_ … _'Captain Commander ordered all non-essential soul reapers to leave Karakura, so just the guy on patrol has real clearance to be here'_ There, now Ichigo knew the whole truth.

“So you couldn't come visit? You're breaking the rules for me?” Ichigo asked as his eyes searched for Shinji's face in what would appear to be the empty air beside him.

_'True'_ … _'Worth it'_ … _'Sorry it took so long'_ He really was.

“It's okay. I'm glad you came back. I don't care how long it took.” Ichigo lied, the hurt he couldn't quite hide shining through in the faint sheen of water in his eyes.

Shinji was just glad that Ichigo was willing to give him a second chance to make up for his mistakes. He was relieved, after they had spoken in the wake of Ichigo's first mating season and decided to be a real couple instead of their mating just being a one time thing Shinji had promised both Ichigo and himself that he would take care of the young man. Shinji had failed in that when he had left for Soul Society after the Winter War, foolishly thinking that he would only be there for a few celebrations and a round of thanks, not expecting to be roped into rescuing the fifth division's few loyal members and stuck with the job of rooting out the rot that Aizen had left behind. He'd been so distracted by the work that Isshin's request and the Captain Commander's orders hadn't immediately registered and before he'd known it he'd broken his promise and betrayed his lover. That he was being given the chance to make up for it instead of meeting only disdain and revulsion was a miracle.

Tired of hollow words, he dropped the pen and wrapped his arms around Ichigo's shoulders, tightening his hold as Ichigo tucked his head under his chin and raised his hands to clutch at Shinji's shirt. He pulled Ichigo from his desk chair so that they were standing, bodies pressed tightly together so that Shinji could make sure that Ichigo could be assured of his presence. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, no matter who told him to leave Ichigo alone he was going to keep coming back until Ichigo himself told him to get lost.

He highly doubted _that_ would happen.

Shinji smiled to himself as he held Ichigo tightly, Sakanade purring with satisfaction at being able to embrace their _-mate-_ as they wanted to. Both of them were sure that Ichigo would do no such thing, the young man was as sure of their relationship as they were, at least his instincts were were telling him so. If ever there was a situation in which Shinji was willing to let his hollow nature tell him what to do it was this. He wasn't going to be letting go any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story will be continued, but I haven't written the next Shinji/Ichigo part, the series is going to be one story with four chapters, then a oneshot, then another four chapter story, then another oneshot, and on in that pattern. The oneshots are little AU things, so if you're only interested in the main story you can just read the four chapter stories, but to explain more of the timeline and how it is and isn't similar to canon, the next four chapter story is actually not going to be Shinji/Ichigo, and I only have half of it written, but I'll be posting the next oneshot and the first two chapters of it anyway pretty soon.


End file.
